My Memoirs

Getting older is not all bad. There are benefits, like discount cards at the local hardware store and supermarket, a 10% reduction in annual gym fees. It also becomes sort-of acceptable for you to dress strangely, to wear funny hats, and to be rude to people, because you are old.  If you dribble when you drink your beer, of drop food on your clothes, people shake their heads and ascribe to to old age.

Come to think of it though, I have been doing all these things for a long time.

The dribbling when drinking beer reminds me of a memorable trip to Johannesburg, from Durban, South Africa, in a combi driven by Nuttie.  Or partly driven by Nuttie, the rest of the time it was driven by John Field.

The occassion was the Currie Cup Rugby final between Transvaal and Natal. This was before names like Lions and Sharks became fashionable. The Natal team was the Banana Boys, Transvaal was .. just Transvaal.  The group of reprobates in the combi was Nuttie, Tuck, John Field, Barry Record, Jonesy, myself, and from ‘Maritzburg, Howie. Howie, memorably, dived into the combi through the small side window, and then farted at 10 minute intervals for the remainder of the 7 hour trip. Howie, also memorably, had a stroke at the first corner in the road after we left his house. He was handed a cold beer as soon as his bum hit the seat after he dived through the window. Howie took a deep and satisfying gulp of the brew as Nuttie took a corner onto the main road. Beer dribbled from the corner of Howie’s full mouth. He gulped the beer down and informed us that he had a stroke, and beer was dribbling out the side of his mouth.  He farted, and claimed that the stroke had made him incontenent. He took another gulp of beer, swallowed, and told us all that his wife bloody hated him.  He recovered from the stroke extremely quickly.

For the record, Natal beat Transvaal convincingly, and we all went on a pub-crawl in the Ellis Park Stadium before heading for our digs.

Howie had another memorable moment when, in the midst of our beer-swilling celebration at winning the Currie Cup, he ordered a strawberry milkshake.

The stuff of legends!

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